Road-Trip 2022, The Backstory

 

My name is Brian Lange.  In very early 1991, I was having some health issues, and having difficulty getting them diagnosed.  After recovering from a serious case of pancreatitis, I began having Grand Mal seizures, and the search for the cause of those began.  At the same time, on the first day of the original Gulf War against Iraq, my father died suddenly.  He was cremated, and my oldest brother took his ashes and stored them.

It was only a couple of weeks after that I was diagnosed with a type of tumor between the two halves of my brain almost directly behind my eyes.  It was removed on Valentine's Day 1992.  Because of the damage that had been done to my brain by the tumor, I had lost nearly half the strength in my left side (I am left-handed), I couldn't talk for nearly 6 months.  Also, I had lost much of my dexterity in my left hand, and I had developed memory issues and would forget words, and what I was even doing.  The Drs. told me that because of the ongoing seizures, I wouldn't be able to ride a motorcycle or even drive a car.  It took me nearly 13 years to recover enough to go back to work, drive, and ride a motorcycle again, which I eventually was able to do.  However, by that time, my wife had become disabled due to issues with her liver that would lead to her death in 2018.

I ended up with my father's ashes and had intended to take them back to Illinois and spread them there where he had grown up, and his family was.  But it seemed that work, bills, and life, in general, seemed to always keep that plan on the back burner.  It always seemed to find itself lower in priority than work needing to be done to the house, the car, the motorcycle, etc.  After I lost my wife in 2018, I lost my home, and nearly everything.  I am back on disability with a bad back, and heart failure, among other issues.  Time is growing short, and I truly feel that I need to raise this up on the priority scale and complete this task.  

Since my father used to ride before he joined the army before World War II; and then started a family, and the riding blood runs through me and several members of my family, I thought it only fitting to take Dad on one last ride home to his kin.

There is much to be done to prepare for this ride.  I truly believe this will probably be the last great ride of my life, and I can't imagine a better purpose behind it.  The route has been generally laid out.  The 30,000 foot level of planning has been done, and the time has come to begin acting to bring those plans to fruition.  Collecting the materials I will need to actually have during the trip that I don't currently have, preparing a bike to make the journey, and getting myself physically and mentally prepared to complete the trip.  While I have the actual trip budgeted out, it is the preparatory costs I am uncertain about at this point.  But knowing that, I expect to be able to get those costs taken care of, and to work through to the conclusion of this effort.

I'll be posting here, on a Facebook page that I have created about this effort called "Taking My Dad's Ashes Home".  In time I plan on also posting updates as part of my YouTube channel revitalization.  until this starts gaining momentum, take care, and may 2021 be a better year than 2020 was.

Catch you on the road sometime...

Road-Trip 2022, Taking My Dad's Ashes Home

A dear friend of mine is planning a 6-month long ride through all 48 states this year.  Bless her heart, and I wish her the best in this journey.  The more I thought about Teri going on her big trip to raise awareness for mental health issues, which riding can definitely help in some aspects, I got to thinking about how long it had been since I had gone on a long ride myself.  The last ride I took of any real length was one of around 1,200 miles or so and stretched out over 4 days.  Nothing hard, but it was the last time I had ridden even close to anything "long", and that was in 2009!  One of the things that got me thinking of making one last big ride was the realization that this month it will have been 30 years since my dad had died.  I have been talking about taking his ashes back to Chicago and spreading them there over the graves of his parents and brother.  Well, the inspiration of my friend Teri and her ride has gotten me to decide to make that trip next year.  Why next year?  Because it will take me at least that long to organize and fund the trip.  I have to get a bike ready to make a 4,500 plus mile roundtrip, gather family who ride to go with and raise the funds to be able to actually do the trip itself.

It is going to require a lot of planning.  I have the route tentatively laid out, and another of about the same length as a return.  It is still going to have to be fined tuned, including designating; fuel stops, motels or campsites, etc.  It means getting a bike set-up to make it over the Rockie Mountains, twice.  New tires, oil changed, and several other changes so whichever bike I make the ride on, I can have faith she will get me there.  

This also means that I have to go back to work, at least part-time, in order to cover the expenses and pay-off Tennessee.  If I decide to take Gypsy, I will need to buy a transmission for her off of E-Bay or Amazon, as that would be cheaper than rebuilding her current one that is so worn it leaks even with new seals.  If I take Tennessee, I will have to lower the seat height and replace the air-suspension that leaks.  So either bike is going to need some significant expenses to be made ready to make the trip.

Planning things like; distance between fuel stops is going to depend a lot on what family members or friends ride the various legs.  So, in the last month or so, I will know whether we will be refueling every 100 miles or more like every 150 or so.  Even the return route isn't fully carved in stone.  I might bypass Nevada completely, and just come up through Idaho and eastern Oregon, and return home over White Pass.  That has yet to be finalized, and probably won't be for some months.  I have to keep my priorities in order.

All that is in the future.  The priority to plan and organize is subordinate to getting back to work, and getting the funds raised to be able to make the roughly 4,500-mile roundtrip.  The bikes both get about 40 mpg, so I used 30 mpg in a 5-gallon tank to figure the number of fuel stops, and $5/gallon to figure fuel costs.  Depending on who rides with me, food could run from the simple gas station variety fast-food fare to at least one restaurant meal per day.  The same goes for overnight accommodations.  If it is just me, I would be spending time in campgrounds, with maybe a cheap motel 6 for a shower along the way.  

Even with these things in mind, I estimate that I should be able to make the actual trip itself for a shade over $4,000.  That doesn't include new tires, etc., that the bike will need to be able to safely make that length of a trip.  So I definitely have to find a job that I can do with my bad back and a bad heart.  At my age, I seriously doubt that, unless things improve drastically financially speaking, this will probably be my last great motorcycle road-trip.  I'll make smaller ones, but this will be the last multi-thousand miler that I can expect to make as things are.

I know that my postings here have been sparse over the past few months since I didn't win the election.  But this will give me something to write about and keep people updated with things much more interesting than being in near-constant lockdown due to the COVID in 2020.  Now you at least have a rough idea of what I have in mind, and what I will be working to bring to pass in 2022.  So, I am putting my faith in God that I will be able to get the goals I set accomplished.  Through hard efforts, prayer, and working through some mechanical issues, I should be in Chicago in July of 2022.

Keep following the updates on here, and soon I plan on doing video updates on my YouTube channel as well.

Catch you on the road sometime...

Changes Coming

As I look at my life and try to understand where I go from here, it seems clear that I have to change my priorities somewhat.  What I want isn't going to be handed to me on some silver platter, if at all.  There are sacrifices that I am going to have to make, and I can only pray that those sacrifices may aid me in finding what I truly want.  If even what I want has any importance in the cosmic scheme of my life.  It's become more and more evident to me that I seem to have some sort of 'white knight' aspect of my personality.  Not to be a hero, but something much more Quixotic in nature.  It's an instinct to be of service to my friends when needed.  Especially women who are reasonably close to me.  When asked, if I am at all able to help, I will do whatever I can to do so.  Even if there is no real benefit to me by doing so.

In no way is this any sort of misogynistic attitude, where I feel a woman needs a man's help.  Women are absolute equals to men in many ways in general, and both superior and inferior in other more specific factors generally speaking.  It is just an ingrained part of me to offer help whenever I am asked by someone I care about.  

I think I am actually digging myself deeper into a hole by doing this in many cases.  My current financial situation is basically one step above being homeless.  Health issues make it difficult to find work that allows me to be more stable and independent in my life.  While it is true, that I have a relatively large number of women friends with whom I am close, I have none that want to be a part of my life in a manner that is deeper than a good friend.  At least none that I am truly aware of.  It wouldn't surprise me if someone were to tell me that I am wrong about this, but as I see it, I'm not.  

This is why I think that I probably need to change my priorities in life.  I can't rationally believe that a woman would want to be in a relationship with a man who has so little to offer her beyond emotional support.  So, I think it may be time for me to just place the thought of finding a woman to share my life with on the shelf in the closet.  It may mean that for the foreseeable future I continue on alone in life.  Something I have experienced during a great portion of my life, and while I do not desire that to go on, I seem to be heading towards that path in life anyway if I do not make changes.  The option of going back to work is something that I have seriously considered, even with my physical limitations, but have so far been unsuccessful in achieving.  It is something that I am finding myself needing to focus on more and more if I hope to find what I desire in life.  Humble though that desire may be.

Perhaps once I have become more stable in life, and am better able to provide for myself and a possible life partner that I can take that thought back off the shelf and take another look at it.  Hopefully with better options, and possibilities.  What I have experienced in the last couple of years has shown me that the time is not right, yet.  If it ever will be, I have to be in a better place in life.  To be able to find that better place, I will have to make sacrifices in my life.  Ones that I may be totally unaware of at this point.  But something has to change, probably several things.  Or there is no reason to keep moving on except to exist, and simply existing isn't a good life.  

The first change in my life, I think, is to accept that I will be alone for the foreseeable future.  To understand that I am going to continue in this life alone, even with all my friends and family around me.  At least until I reach a position where I am able to provide more effectively for myself.  Perhaps then I will be able to enjoy the opportunity to share my life with a woman again in a mutually satisfying and uplifting manner.  But first, I need ot stop looking for that, and find myself some way with my abilities and skill sets, to begin moving in that direction.  To do otherwise, would simply be setting myself, and any woman who I become involved with, up for failure.  With God's help, I will begin to walk down that straight and narrow path, and rebuild my life into something more desirable a way of living that is worthy of sharing with someone I care for.

So I have to change myself, and how I live my life.  To be worthy again some day of having someone to share this life with.  It is going to take a lot of thought and effort, and I hope it is something I can accomplish in time.

What "Broke" Me?

 

Tonight, a dear friend of mine asked me; “What broke you?”, and I really couldn’t give her a simple direct answer. It’s not like I experienced one single heartbreaking event, but more a series of events spread across my life that has caused me to be much more reserved most of the time. I didn’t take her question as anything but the caring concern that wanted to know what had changed me from what little she knew of my past.

I have been thinking about her question since before I came home, and I still cannot come up with one, single experience that was so crushing as to change my personality. Making me seem harder, and colder, and much more reserved. As I look back over my life, I can see a pattern of trying to do the “right thing”, and to be an honorable man. Yet, as I look back, I can see that doing so resulted in my downfall. Even if it may not have had that effect for several years. The deaths of; many close friends, two wives, a daughter, the loss of a son (who I can only hope is still alive), and other bizarre occurrences in my life that I refuse to put on the record have made me who I am now.

Part of the problem is my knowledge of how history has shown me what can happen when I do let go and allow myself to not hold back. Giving myself over and not holding myself back has repeatedly ended in devastating heartbreak. At the same time, holding back and not allowing others into my heart has also created situations where what could have been something special merely turned into a few fleeting moments of promise that seemed to whither away.

There are things that I have done that are between God and I alone. He is my judge, and no one else need ever know the depths of darkness I have known in my past. The fear of letting someone in deeply enough to allow them to learn those secrets no doubt holds some conditional relationship to how my personality has changed over the years. People have told me how strong and stoic I seem to be emotionally. Trying to live up to my personal code, has meant that is how I often must be.

That is why I cherish those times when I can relax and be seemingly carefree and content. It seems that during those times I can push the darkness I have experienced deeper down inside, and hold it more securely, much more tightly compartmentalized within me under heavy security. The people I trusted enough to share the dark experiences and their effects have all moved on to whatever lay beyond this life. So, in many ways I find myself always alone, even when I am with a cohort of my closest friends. Loneliness, doubt and guilt are things I have long since learned to deal with on a daily basis.

Thinking about it now, I still can’t answer “what broke you?” Not even fully to myself, because to do so is rubbing salt into old wounds that have never fully healed. I can’t even fully agree that I am broken. Bent and battered, yes. Broken; maybe, maybe not. I really don’t know. And if I don’t even know that, how I can I say what really “broke” me?

A Couple of Surveys

This short blog post is actually just to post a couple of political surveys for my State Representative political campaign in Washington state.  The first is a more general survey and should take about 3 minutes to fill out, and the second is more focused on budgetary and expenditure issues.  The second should take about the same amount of time, maybe a little less.  These surveys are helping me to better understand the desires, beliefs, and goals of at least the participants in the 20th LD.  


1.  The General Survey

2.  The Budgetary Survey

Thank you,

Catch you on the road sometime...

Covid has Postponed Mt St Helens Ride

As with everything else this year, COVID-19 has caused long-standing plans to be changed.  We haven't canceled the ride, but we have postponed it until July.  It won't have the same meaning as riding up virtually on the anniversary date, but the weather should be much better.  I have a suspicion that there will be some people who may still ride up by themselves.  But the forecast is for rain and possible thundershowers.  I have a feeling that I am not even going to bother pulling the tarp off of Gypsy on Sunday morning.  I have made that run in rain many times, and with everything going on this year, I don't think I am going to push my luck and risk getting sick by making a 200-mile ride up to the mountain in the rain.  I just don't want to risk getting sick and losing time during my campaign for the legislature just to ride up most of the way to the mountain to a closed gate and turn back.  I'll say a prayer of remembrance like I do every year on Sunday morning.  But I am pretty sure I won't be riding up there and making that choice has really bummed me out.  Even though I know it is the right thing to do.

Catch ya on the road sometime...

We are at risk of losing medical personnel and facilities due to COVID proclamations.

As we move deeper into this sudden economic chasm that has appeared in our state due to the COVID pandemic, it brings questions to mind regarding the efficacy of the course we remain locked onto.  When the Governor first issued his state of emergency proclamation, it was to “flatten the curve” of infections so as to not overwhelm and inundate our hospitals and medical services.  By flattening the curve; according to the many virologists, immunologists, and other Drs. I have been listening to over the past few weeks we aren’t stopping the virus’ effects, only slowing them down.  The threat of this virus is still there, out in the environment.  However, according to these Drs., remaining in lockdown indefinitely is not realistic or even necessarily a good idea.  Remaining in self-isolation, in a heavily sanitized home environment is more likely to weaken our immune system due to reduced contact with even many common viruses and bacteria that we need to maintain a strong and healthy immune system.  So if we remain in lockdown for a further period and begin to attempt to restore our earlier activities in a mass movement it is highly likely that many people will become ill from a number of illnesses out in the environment due to a weakened immune system.  This could indeed cause a spike in ER visits and possible hospitalizations.

This brings us to the current condition of many hospitals in our state.  In order to reduce the risk of overwhelming our hospitals, clinics, and other medical services, the Governor’s emergency proclamation ordered all “elective” surgeries and procedures to be halted.  The concept was to ensure that facilities were available if needed for COVID patients.  However, we are now facing a situation where hospitals are very nearly empty and have little in the way of revenue coming in.  Many of the hospitals in Washington have begun to seriously consider furloughing staff, cutting the hours of others. This includes Drs. And nurses, not just support staff in the hospital.  Some hospitals have even noted that they are within sight of a situation where they may have to close their doors, especially in some of the more rural parts of the state.  My question is this, how can hospitals be expected to be ready for a spike in COVID cases, if they are understaffed, or even forced to close?

By definition, most procedures and surgeries that are not of an emergent nature are “elective”.  It is my strong belief that only a doctor can decide if a procedure or surgery is necessary.  The ban on elective surgeries at this point in time should be relaxed for at least two reasons.  This would allow doctors to better serve the health of their patients and assist in prolonging and saving lives.  It would also provide hospitals with the inflow of revenue that can keep them operating, and prevent their financial collapse.  It will do no one any good in the middle of the prolonged pandemic that this lockdown has created, to risk reducing the ability to provide healthcare by causing hospitals to furlough medical staff or close their doors.

A majority of doctors that I have been listening to over the past few weeks that are discussing this situation seem to have a common basis of understanding that they are speaking to.  While the upper echelon of government health officials and the main stream media are primarily appearing to be focused on the number of confirmed cases and deaths, these doctors are pointing out the results of studies and testing that seems to show the actual number of cases of COVID to be up to fifty times higher.  This results in a fatality rate not too dissimilar to that of a bad flu season (the 2017-2018 flu for example resulted in approximately 60,000 deaths in the US).  Currently, upwards of 90% of the current fatalities of COVID are senior citizens, especially in long term care facilities, and those with pre-existing health issues that are exacerbated by a respiratory infection.  It seems that an extremely low percentage of fatalities without some underlying health issue are below 50 years of age.  Therefore, it would seem advisable, after listening to these doctors, to allow those with the least risk of adverse reaction to the disease to go back to work in a managed, health positive ad responsible manner.  While allowing medical facilities to resume “elective” procedures with the benefit of saving and prolonging lives, as well as remaining staffed and available if there is a sudden spike in COVID infections. 

This should have the two-pronged effect of beginning to restore our citizens’ health and our economy to a much stronger and more vibrant condition that either currently possesses.

Thank you.